Buzzfeed online dating horror stories
I met a guy on OkCupid, and we hit it off pretty well.
I downed my coffee and left. He proceeded to go arms deep into this goat and turned around to say, 'You want in on this?
I could not get out of there fast enough! Suddenly, one of his goats started giving birth, so he ran to the barn and I followed. I went on a blind date with a guy who rode a brand-new Jaguar and wore a double-breasted suit; initially, I was impressed. He wanted to take me to his favorite restaurant, which turned out to be Hooters.
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Share On email Share On email. Since this was our first real visit, I was embarrassed about farting around him, so I had been holding it for a while. When I told him I wanted to go home, he had brought so much attention to himself that the comedian noticed us going and said, 'You guys leaving?
One week of messaging and he told me about all the wet dreams he had about me and that he loved me.
I finally slithered out and got to the bathroom, but I didn't know he had a cat, which jumped out of a hidden litter box. He also said he likes to cook, so I asked him what he makes and he said, 'Anything I can use sweeteners in, like fruit soup.
The new Tasty app is here! Next thing I know his aunt is ushering me in. I was in grad school and luckily had printer paper in my bag, so I cleaned myself outside in the pouring rain on the side of the road.
I was confused as hell. Share On link Share On link. Anyway…After arriving — with my salad ready, beside his plate of tacos — he spent the next half an hour telling me about his dating horror stories ex-girlfriend and how passionate their 'breakup sex' had been…last weekend.
He told me 15 minutes in that he'd broken up with his ex because she asked to sleep without his cats in bed. He turned on South Park and brought in burnt, flaky grilled cheese sandwiches and a bag of tortilla chips, and we had the worst conversation.
But the best part of the night was right before I went to bed he was staying on the couch: She drove me home in silence, and though I didn't ask her to come in, she did anyway. I made him dating horror stories himself off to finish.
I had my sister text me that she needed me for something ASAP.
Just like you can. Is this something you would be interested in pursuing?
I bolted to the bathroom where I had explosive diarrhea. Well, that wasn't the case: It turned out that he wanted to prove to his dungeons and dragons club that he really did get a date. She found a bachelorette party and joined in on the fun. Twenty minutes went by and I texted him again telling him that we could leave if he wasn't feeling well. I was in so much pain that I asked her to walk in front of me, because I was sure I was going to explode — and I did. I'm slightly on the large side, and I don't try to hide it. He then said, 'So? I never even took them home — I was that embarrassed.
He replied, 'We went huntin'. Share On tumblr Share On tumblr.
He gave me a hug and burped in my face while saying good-bye.